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photographs, mike starr, tour dates, 1989, urban, julie garfield, poetry, comic strip, the onion, wordssong lyrics snoop dogg 20 dollars to my name unknown, discussions, rock/pop, rap, t shirthell, cook & moore, indexed, insultingpostcards, family fun, list of people by name, I'm getting good at it finally, after almost a year. And you're in bed with your long-suffering wife (too bad sainthood's not so fun once you marry it, huh?), or maybe up already as the hour approaches four, long-since acclimated to greatest movies the insomnia that's plagued you since a year before greatest movies your mother's death. Are you thinking of me? My skin is so greatest movies unmarred now (other than the cuts on my arms, my own doing) that you wouldn't even recognize me. And you, have you carried our habits on to some other woman who you have to hear scream to get your fix? Or maybe all I taught you was the value family life: safe and sane, as colorless as Ann Arbor, as devoid of blood, of pain, of gray? That we could intertwine with and come for others after the nights my blood flowed into your mouth is proof of everything I do not want to believe.
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There were times I thought I'd die, start weeping and never stop if you did not come take me in your arms, make it somehow okay that I'd let you do what you'd done, show me that you were the same person I sat up all night with talking to about books, ideas, while you sipped mike starr tea and rubbed my feet. But you didn't hold me, never touched me at all until long after I was calm. Still, if mike starr it hadn't been mike starr for the flashbacks, the phantom of my father, I swear even that might have been okay. Better luck next time, but then you know all about the jealousy of ghosts. The first time I fucked another man after you, though, I almost fell asleep in the middle.
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